Old Journal Entry

One time in 2007, two friends died in one month, and I wrote this for them.  Cheesey?  Yes.  Embarrassing?  A little.  Sincere?  Yes. 







"I miss you"
spraypainted across trains stopped in the night
and the other night you stopped forever
And if I had the belief, or the strength I'd say a prayer that this train rolls past someone
who loved you on a night like this one.
cold and just a little bit emptier because you left us
I'm not mad at you
I never got to tell you how many nights I've stood at the edge of that abyss
with the blackness pulling at me, and daring me to fall
I could never explain what's given me the strength to carry on
but I wish more than anything I could have lent you some of it.
Just enough to get you through the night.
Maybe you would have felt better in the morning.
Or just felt it less.
Maybe the sunrise would have given you strength
Or it could have just been another day.
where the morning rays of the sun feel like a whip
and each breath draws like black eyes and slit wrists
with the weight of this culture bearing down like a fist
But maybe, just maybe you would have found strength to go on.
"I miss you"
Written across the train, as it rolls into the night
may you ride forever.
and death bring you the peace you could never find in life.
I'll never not miss you
If I could just write it bright and beautiful enough
beautiful enough that the words would reach you in
your place beyond the sun
I miss you.
I'll never not miss you.